We went to the hospital again today. Even though Mom had called earlier in the day and given me a heads up I was amazed at the drastic difference from yesterday to today. Yesterday she was sitting up and talking, today she was sleeping and moaning/crying out. Yesterday she knew who each of us was and was able to tell us she loved us, today she was unaware we were even in the room. Yesterday she ate and drank, today she couldnt even swallow her pain meds (the only meds they are now giving).
Needless to say these are only a few of the changes we each witnessed today. Even though she was unable to talk with us or was even aware we were in the room we took turns going into her room and simply being with her. Some of us had things to say, others wanted to say goodbye. I found myself unable to leave her side. For the longest time I simply stood there and watched her. I was not exceptionally sad, I just needed to be there. I prayed, told her I loved her, and held her hand. After awhile I left only so that others could have their time with her. Wondering if I would get to see her again at all. Wondering if I would be ok if I didnt.
Yesterday I found myself at peace with the decisions being made and what they meant. Today I am not so sure.