Thursday, August 27, 2009

Matters of the Heart

Over the past month I have spent more time worrying and talking about my heart than I ever thought I would be before the age of 50 (at least).
Not too long ago my mom and I started working out with a physical trainer. While I would not consider myself to be in tip top shape I didnt ever imagine that I would be struggling either. Within a few days of working out my trainer commented to me that she was worried about my heart racing after a short time on the treadmill. I wasnt really worried about it because I felt fine and had no symptoms.
Fastforward a couple of weeks and my trainer was still worried so I mentioned it to my doctor. My doctor checked all she could in her office, didnt seem too concerned, but decided that we would have things checked out just to make sure something didnt get overlooked, so she ordered a stress test.
I completed my stress test and received another "your heartrate does go up a good bit, but I'm not sure it's anything to worry about". Right about the time I was beginning to feel relieved and started to put the whole process behind me the heart doc said "I'd like to order an ultrasound of your heart just to make sure we arent overlooking anything I cant see".
Now under normal circumstances I would be grateful for the detail in checking everything out but right now it is very overwhelming. Overwhelming on several fronts:
1) They're talkin about my heart---scary stuff!
2) I have a wedding to plan here! No time to spend worrying over heart conditions. I need to worry over what flowers I'm going to carry and who is playing during the service---not what's going on with my heart.
3) Taking time out for heart appointments cuts into my wedding planning, sleeping, and social life.
4) My insurance runs out at the end of the month, in exactly 4 days. This creates problems in scheduling appointments in time so that I can still be covered and not have to pay a fortune.
5) Speaking of paying, since I am no longer working now is not exactly the best time to be paying hundreds of dollars to go to the doctor and also leaves the question of what expenses might come with the results of these tests (as in long term care if problem is found).

Hopefully I will get some results from the ultrasound very soon (praying for good news), waiting is not easy!!

I am very grateful for the prayers and encouragement my family and friends have offered me and I am trying my best to trust in God. Trusting God during the bad times as well as the good...not always easy.

Two weeks and two days, 16 days, 384 hours

...................until our wedding day!!!!!!
While the big day is quickly approaching my to do list is ever growing! I am amazed at how many things are still left to be done. When I lay down at night my mind is usually racing with all of the things that are left to be taken care of. I have stayed up WAY too late over the last couple of weeks looking at bridal bouquets, picking out pictures/songs, emailing various people involved, writing thank you notes, etc.
I can understand why I have heard so many brides say they are ready for the whole process to be over and that they just want to be married.
Throughout the last year I have really tried hard to enjoy the process of planning a wedding. I dont want to wish certain seasons of my life away. I dont want to live each season wishing for the next. I want to (as much as possible) enjoy planning a special day to celebrate our wedding with family and friends. I want to be honest when I tell people I'm excited about the wedding, excited to be getting married. I am excited to be getting married! We have waited a LONG time for this special day!
I am very excited to see everyone who is coming to join us for our special day. I cant wait to all of the things we have been planning over the last couple of months come into realization. I cant wait to be married :)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

planning and seeking

While my last post was only a few weeks ago it feels like it has been forever. I have been quite busy with all things bridal. We have had two showers, engagement pictures, and multiple appointments around various aspects of wedding. There have been days where I have felt very overwhelmed and other days where things seem to be falling right into place. More than anything I am trying my best to enjoy this process. I want to look back on this time as a busy but good time, not another stressful point (Lord knows this last year has held enough of those).
On another note I am still waiting for the Lord to show me what it is I am to spend my time doing during these next phase of my life. I have had a few leads come up but nothing seems to be fitting just right or has worked out so far. I am praying that over the next few days I will receive some clarity from the Lord on which door it is He wants me to walk through. I know what my desires are but I also know that I do not want to miss what the Lord has for me.
Only 24 more days until the wedding!!!