Wednesday, April 16, 2008

beach trip

I set off on this beach trip with mixed emotions. I was excited about my new nephew, glad to finally have a couple of days to unwind/relax, and anxious about what all of this down time was going to do to my emotions. I knew that I had intentionally been very busy over the past several weeks. And while it was tiring at times it was also comforting to know that I was not a miserable wreck while Aaron was in Russia (to be honest I have been quite proud of myself in how well I've held up). I knew that while this beach trip would be nice, and free! it would also have LOTS of down time, even the alone times that I almost dreaded. I knew that if my mind was allowed to wonder and long for all that I could not have that I would become a very depressed individual. At the same time however I was trying to be optimistic and look forward to being able to read for pleasure, get my paper for grad school out of the way, play some Scrabble, walk along the beach, swim, etc.
Once I arrived I thought hey, this might not be so bad. We checked into our condo and then went right back out to eat. I went to bed that night reading and was able to sleep all the way through the night (only the second time since Aaron left). Sleeping in every day has also been very very wonderful. I have finished two books for pleasure and also spent many hours working on a special gift for my new nephew.
After several days of being down here I felt a nagging at my heart. I knew I needed to be working on my paper and my thesis project, after all we have had free Internet the entire time. Somehow I could not bring myself to be motivated to do anything that I should be doing. I wanted to lay around and be a bum. I couldn't bring myself to call any of the people I knew I should be or even wanted to. Even with others around I felt very lonely and withdrawn. My heart began to ache and the sadness started to seep in. Even now as I type this I know that I have not fully been able to climb out of the funk I found myself slipping into.
Please don't get me wrong. I am very grateful for this trip. Grateful for the rest and fellowship it has brought me. Glad that I was finally given the opportunity to do several things that I have been longing to do for some time. The weather has been nice, cool but still very pretty. And most importantly grateful and blessed for the opportunity to have at least one more trip with my grandmother.
I am somewhat disappointed in myself for not getting my schoolwork done, knowing the pressures that will leave me with when I return home. I am also frustrated with myself for falling into this funky emotional pit.
While I am sad that I have to return to the "real" world tomorrow I am also looking forward to the changes and productive busyness that it brings me.
Just to show you that the trip has not been all bad here are some pictures of our trip.

Gorgeous sunset on the way to dinner Saturday night!

The view from our condo!

Quick pic on the lower battery in Charleston

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