Overall the weekend turned out much better than previously anticipated. We went down to the wedding and had a fairly good time considering all of the family drama (a lot of which we managed to avoid). As we were riding back up the mountain this afternoon I couldn't help but wish there was more of the weekend left. I felt like yet again I had my weekend robbed from me. I had no time for myself or the things I wanted to do. I know that the world is not always going to work out my way and that things are not always going to be easy. For quite some time now I have been avoiding my thesis project and everything that that involves. That plan felt good at first, I was even able to convince myself that it was what was best for me for the time. Now that my school year is quickly coming to a close I am feeling the stress hanging over me on a daily basis. Those around me have indicated they are seeing the strain in me as well. I do not want to be stressed. I want to have the joy that knowing Christ brings. As a friend of mine was praying for me this afternoon I realized that I needed to seek God and ask him to bring my focus and commitment to this program back. I am hoping throughout this week to regain my relationship with God and my focus towards my graduate program.
I am looking forward to a great many things in my life right now. I want so very badly to be finished with this graduate program, finished with this school year, for Aaron to be living up here, and yes, to get married. In all of the searching I did today I realized (God's been whispering it for awhile) that I needed to allow those things to happen in their own time and refocus on the things I can take care of right now. I need to take care of this thesis, my grandmother, my kiddos at school, etc. I was also reminded of all of the wonderful blessings I am surrounded by everyday. The things that I dont ask for but He provides b/c He loves me. Friends that call me and notice when I'm not myself....beautiful sunny afternoons....mountains...smiles from my adorable cousin...a wonderful nephew I am allowed to love (even though i'm "technically" not his aunt yet)...an amazing boyfriend...a clean car thats mine...etc etc etc. I could go on and on but I'd be here for awhile.
I am blessed...despite all of my trials...I am blessed