Grief has a funny way of creeping in when you least expect it to. Earlier this week I found myself alone on the beach and wasnt sad in the least. I knew I had the time and space to deal with anything I wanted in any way that I wanted but the tears etc just never came.
Then there is tonight. I stayed up late to finish a book I started yesterday and as I closed the book this overwhelming wave of grief hit me. I got out of bed and came into the living room so that I wouldnt wake Lynn and also to get something for my dripping nose.
In the blink of an eye I miss nearly everything about her. I want her to come and hold my hand, run her hands through my hair, tell me she loves me and how proud of me she is. I want to walk with her on the beach, to share the joys of our upcoming wedding, to plan what we're going to eat for dinner, to sit and rock on the porch together. I want her to be here on this trip with me, to be there as I come home from trips and listen to all of my adventures. I miss her so much! I am amazed at the physical pain I feel in my chest as my heart hurts.
I know that she is in Heaven, finally healed and happy with Jesus, but on nights like tonight that does little for my wounded heart.
Right now I just want her back. I want what we used to have.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Beach Therapy
From the get go of this trip I have had mixed feelings. This is the first trip I have taken since my grandmother passed away in November. Trips were our thing, we went on nearly all of them together and when she couldn't go with me she tried her best to pay for part of my trip. With that being said I was not sure I was ready to take a trip without her, especially with Lynn who was the third sidekick, my other "funny lady".
Right away in the car we both admitted we were having mixed feelings about things but felt as if we needed to do this. One way or another we would make it through this new normal together.
It has helped somewhat that Lynn's friend Donna has made the trip with us. It is definately different and I still miss my grandmother something fierce.
I am grateful for the opportunity to make this trip with people who will allow me to process this as I need to. It has been nice to do things at my own speed (esp. since life has not done a lot of that this past year).
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Turner love!
The last part of my visit to GA looked much the same. I did not get anything posted because we stayed very busy! We swam, chilled and simply enjoyed one another. The kids and I left Wednesday mid-day to come back up to NC. Once we were back in NC we unpacked our stuff, said hey to Aaron, and then headed off to the playground. The kids spent that night with me so that the next day we could go to the......pool....of course!!! Late in the afternoon I managed to pull them out of the pool so that we could head out and meet Mimi.
Super Bradley! (Not sure what made him put this on the night before we left but it was too cute)
Super Bradley! (Not sure what made him put this on the night before we left but it was too cute)
The kids spent Thursday evening with Mimi. Friday morning I drove out to pick up the kids for the Folkmoot parade. We met up with Keisha and her daughter on Main St. We enjoyed snacks and water as we waited for the parade to start. Our friends Bruce and Amy joined us with thier daughter and Amy's mom right before the parade started. Overall everyone enjoyed the parade. The adults and bigger kids really seemed to get into it while the two little ones never really seemed interested.
After the parade we ran a few errands and rested before Outdoor Movie Night at the church. We all had a blast setting out our chairs and blankets to watch the movie. The kids layed there the whole time and did not make a peep! They were so cute laying under the blankets together. I hope they are always as close as they are now.
The next day we went back to the pool for one more round of swimming before heading back to Mimi's.
I'm not sure if I will see the kids again before they go back home but I have really enjoyed the extended amount of time I was able to spend with them this summer! Words cannot express how much I love those two kiddos and how blessed I am that they love me like they do in return.
I'm not sure if I will see the kids again before they go back home but I have really enjoyed the extended amount of time I was able to spend with them this summer! Words cannot express how much I love those two kiddos and how blessed I am that they love me like they do in return.
I can't wait to see them in the wedding!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Turners day two
Today was not quite as busy, in its own way. The kids and I all slept late and enjoyed a quiet mid day around the house. Bradley and Megan played on the wii for a bit while I read. After awhile we decided to head on down to the pool. There are two pools here in their development--the "big" pool and the "little" pool. The "big" pool is slightly larger and has a water slide. Yesterday we spent our time at the "little" pool so today we ventured out to the "big" one. After several hours of splashing around we headed to Target for some pool toys, goggles, and snacks. Once we were finished shopping we headed straight back for some more pool fun. Around 8:30 Amy called to see if I had left town with the kids and to tell us that supper was ready if we were interested in coming home to eat.
These kids bless my heart so very much. When I finished eating Megan looked at me and asked me if I wanted to color some more. She said "I just want to spend time with you". Never mind the fact that we have spent every waking moment together for the last two days. How sweet it is to be loved like this!! (Anyone else just start singing?)
We ended our evening by watching National Treasure 2.
Now I'm off to spend some time hangin out with my late night gal.
**Sorry about the lack of pictures today. Most if not all of the pictures that I took today were with the water cameras we bought at Target.
These kids bless my heart so very much. When I finished eating Megan looked at me and asked me if I wanted to color some more. She said "I just want to spend time with you". Never mind the fact that we have spent every waking moment together for the last two days. How sweet it is to be loved like this!! (Anyone else just start singing?)
We ended our evening by watching National Treasure 2.
Now I'm off to spend some time hangin out with my late night gal.
**Sorry about the lack of pictures today. Most if not all of the pictures that I took today were with the water cameras we bought at Target.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Multiple posts
I posted three times today. So if you are interested in "all" (ok, some) of what I have been up to keep scrolling on down.
Turners day one
Since I knew I would have lots of pictures to share with you I thought I would try to post a bit each day about what we are up to on my visit down to GA.
I was LONG overdue for a trip down to visit with the Turners. It had been nearly two years since my last visit.......wayyyyyyyyyy too long.
After a quick visit down to the gift mart with Mom earlier in the week it worked out for me to be able to bring Amy back down again on Saturday evening.
This morning we woke up and went to church then lunch. After lunch we came back and chilled out around the house for a bit before heading to the pool. The evening was spent inside due to a thunderstorm. Since we were inside we passed the time by eating, coloring, and watching tv.
Here are a few of the highlights from today in pictures.
These pictures are from Bradley's "state" championship games (ended up being a double header). He played so well! I was so proud of him.
4th of July
The fourth of July was full of great fun!
To celebrate the day we went over to Spunky and Keisha's for a wonderful meal with friends. After a fantastic time of fellowship and food we all loaded up and went over to the lake to watch the fireworks.
These two were such sweeties--and super cute too!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Prayers needed
Friends,
My family needs your prayers right now. I dont want to go into details just yet but please be in prayer for us as it seems that life could really be changing. Just to ease minds--this is not health related.
Love yall!
My family needs your prayers right now. I dont want to go into details just yet but please be in prayer for us as it seems that life could really be changing. Just to ease minds--this is not health related.
Love yall!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Fun with Friends
I appologize right now for the crazy pictures, I couldnt get them to go straight for me for some reason.
Since I am no longer working and the construction/remodeling at Grandmother's is slowing down I have finally had a few moments to spend with friends.
Several nights ago my friends Brandon and Jennifer came over with thier girls to play in the sprinkler and hang out. We had a great night of fun together!
On the last weekend in June we drove down to Old Fort for Jonathon and Rena's wedding. We had a great time and enjoyed getting to see our Chrysalis friends!
This past weekend my former college roommate, best friend and "sister" came up for a visit. We had a great time catching up, wedding planning, and hanging out together. I can't wait for her to come back in just a couple of weeks!!
Tomorrow I am looking forward to a fun day of family and friends as we celebrate the Fourth of July! The coming weeks will also be filled with many visits with friends. I will be sure to post often including pictures. Happy Fourth of July everyone!
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