My heart is heavy tonight

My heart is very heavy tonight. Nearly all day off and on I have thought about my grandmother. How she is in a MUCH better place, how I miss her, how I managed to get through my first year without her, etc.
On top of that I have been thinking about my grandfather. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday with chest pains and now tomorrow he is facing open heart surgery. My family is thankful that it was caught now (the docs said if it had not been he probably would have been dead within the year) and that there is the capability of fixing things. My grandfather is scared and even with the best outcome tomorrow will be facing a long road to recovery.

Please sweet friends be in prayer for my family tonight. We are thankful to have Jesus to turn to and trust that we are in his hands, but this is tough. I dont want to walk this road. Not this soon.

Matters of the Heart

Over the past month I have spent more time worrying and talking about my heart than I ever thought I would be before the age of 50 (at least).
Not too long ago my mom and I started working out with a physical trainer. While I would not consider myself to be in tip top shape I didnt ever imagine that I would be struggling either. Within a few days of working out my trainer commented to me that she was worried about my heart racing after a short time on the treadmill. I wasnt really worried about it because I felt fine and had no symptoms.
Fastforward a couple of weeks and my trainer was still worried so I mentioned it to my doctor. My doctor checked all she could in her office, didnt seem too concerned, but decided that we would have things checked out just to make sure something didnt get overlooked, so she ordered a stress test.
I completed my stress test and received another "your heartrate does go up a good bit, but I'm not sure it's anything to worry about". Right about the time I was beginning to feel relieved and started to put the whole process behind me the heart doc said "I'd like to order an ultrasound of your heart just to make sure we arent overlooking anything I cant see".
Now under normal circumstances I would be grateful for the detail in checking everything out but right now it is very overwhelming. Overwhelming on several fronts:
1) They're talkin about my heart---scary stuff!
2) I have a wedding to plan here! No time to spend worrying over heart conditions. I need to worry over what flowers I'm going to carry and who is playing during the service---not what's going on with my heart.
3) Taking time out for heart appointments cuts into my wedding planning, sleeping, and social life.
4) My insurance runs out at the end of the month, in exactly 4 days. This creates problems in scheduling appointments in time so that I can still be covered and not have to pay a fortune.
5) Speaking of paying, since I am no longer working now is not exactly the best time to be paying hundreds of dollars to go to the doctor and also leaves the question of what expenses might come with the results of these tests (as in long term care if problem is found).

Hopefully I will get some results from the ultrasound very soon (praying for good news), waiting is not easy!!

I am very grateful for the prayers and encouragement my family and friends have offered me and I am trying my best to trust in God. Trusting God during the bad times as well as the good...not always easy.

While I have spent some time reading blogs lately I have neglected to update my own. Life at work continues to have its ups and downs. I took several days off last week to stay with my friend's girls while they were in the hospital having their fourth child.

Here is a picture of the newest addition.

I went back to work on Friday but was not very productive as I had hoped to be. It was nice to get caught up with everyone though. I also enjoyed the fact that it was an early dismissal.

Then Saturday came and I was hit with the worst sickness I have had in years. I woke up that morning with aches and pains all over. Not long after the fever came. Things only got worse as I proceeded to get sick from having too much mucus in my stomach. For the past two days I have done nothing but sleep and move from the bed to the couch. I had to take today off since I was running a fever and couldnt be around my kids. Not to mention my throat still hurt and I couldnt talk much at all. As of right now I have had very little fever and am feelin pretty decent. Things must have been pretty bad because even the cat stayed away from me until today. While I am looking forward to getting back to work so I can finish my assessments I am not looking forward to having to work a full day on my weakened system. That and I havent done a lick of planning since I have felt like poop.