Our first baby shower and a few pre baby thoughts

A few weeks ago we had our first baby shower. What a sweet time with family and friends. Christal did an excellent job putting everything together. We were blessed with many sweet gifts and an even sweeter time of prayer for our new little family and our little one. I know it is because of friends like these praying for us that we have had such an excellent pregnancy. We both feel very blessed to have such an amazing support group around us. (I have some excellent pictures but just not the time/energy to put them up at the moment)
While we have cut back on many activities in efforts to prepare for our little one we have also managed to stay busier than I could have ever imagined. My days lately have been busy preparing for a bridal shower and a separate reception for two of my cousins. I have also started to make sure that all of the "little" things are taken care of before baby comes, or at least making a list of what still needs to be done. My nesting is definitely beginning to come in spurts~mostly as I have the free time or energy to do so.
This past weekend Aaron and I went and served on a Mountain Top Chrysalis weekend. It was a great weekend full of the Lord working in awesome ways. Even at nearly 35 weeks pregnant I was blessed to be able to serve on the weekend. God is so good!
I am coming to realize that growing this little one is taking more and more of my energy each day. I continue to rest well most nights and am trying to take it easy but definitely feel every bit of the 35+ weeks of this pregnancy at times as well. I cannot wait to see this little one and yet at the same time I find it hard to believe he will be here in just 4ish weeks.

A few quick thoughts

I dont have long to update at this point but I did want to put down a few thoughts so that I could come back and visit them/update when I get a chance.
*Prayers~ My heart is still heavy with them but God has given me the peace of knowing He is in control.
*Crafts~ I have some photos to post of some shirts I made and cant wait to share them! They turned out really cute :)
I am also getting back into scrapbooking and hope to make some great progress over the next couple of weeks.
*Superbowl commercial spectacular~ We enjoyed a great evening with friends. We had a lot of great food and conversations! I will post some of the pictures from the evening when I can.

The current state of my heart

February is heart month. As a teacher this was just one of the many topics we tried to squeeze into the smallest month of the year. Now that I am at home I think back to those days and think about all of the ways that God has changed not only my schedule but also my heart. For the first time ever I plan on working from home, staying home with our future children, and have noticed how God is increasing the prayers that dwell within my heart.
Over the past couple of days my heart has been very heavy with prayers for many that are close to me. I have family members in need of prayer. I have friends with ailing parents in need of prayer. I have friends struggling with unexpected health problems in need of prayer. Oh how my heart has become heavy for these situations.
Over the next couple of days I will be away from my computer a bit more than usual as I try to help in any way that I can with several of these situations. Please join me in praying for these situations friends. Several of these are life and death situations and others are very life altering.

My heart is heavy tonight

My heart is very heavy tonight. Nearly all day off and on I have thought about my grandmother. How she is in a MUCH better place, how I miss her, how I managed to get through my first year without her, etc.
On top of that I have been thinking about my grandfather. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday with chest pains and now tomorrow he is facing open heart surgery. My family is thankful that it was caught now (the docs said if it had not been he probably would have been dead within the year) and that there is the capability of fixing things. My grandfather is scared and even with the best outcome tomorrow will be facing a long road to recovery.

Please sweet friends be in prayer for my family tonight. We are thankful to have Jesus to turn to and trust that we are in his hands, but this is tough. I dont want to walk this road. Not this soon.

Half and Half

Not that I havent known it for awhile now (some would argue quite awhile) but I'm getting married in a week! A week, one week, seven days.....wow!
It's funny to realize that we have been together for so long and have even been engaged for so long and the day is finally coming. I sit here this morning knowing that my life is about to change in a BIG way. As I think about it I find myself dealing with two major groups of emotions/feelings---on one hand I am excited, anxiously anticipating and on the other I am OCD thinking about all of the details and feeling a different type of anxiety over the ceremony and formality of the big day itself.
In the end I know it will be beautiful and we will be married. I just want to soak up these last few days of what I now know as my life. I want to slow down a bit and remind myself (once again) to enjoy the process.

As we enter into these final days/moments before our big day I ask that you pray for us. Specifically for me. Up until yesterday I have spent most of my time dreading being in front of people on my wedding day, I dont like to have people watching me. But yesterday as I faced the stresses of this process my heart began to ache. The ache that I felt was not a new one, it was the ache of missing my Grandmother. For the first time I not only knew she wasnt going to be there with me but I felt it. I missed her in a whole new way. Please pray that I do not allow that ache to overcome me, it is not what I want nor what she would have wanted. I miss her and I always will, this day and this time need to be looked upon with joy not sorrow.

Matters of the Heart

Over the past month I have spent more time worrying and talking about my heart than I ever thought I would be before the age of 50 (at least).
Not too long ago my mom and I started working out with a physical trainer. While I would not consider myself to be in tip top shape I didnt ever imagine that I would be struggling either. Within a few days of working out my trainer commented to me that she was worried about my heart racing after a short time on the treadmill. I wasnt really worried about it because I felt fine and had no symptoms.
Fastforward a couple of weeks and my trainer was still worried so I mentioned it to my doctor. My doctor checked all she could in her office, didnt seem too concerned, but decided that we would have things checked out just to make sure something didnt get overlooked, so she ordered a stress test.
I completed my stress test and received another "your heartrate does go up a good bit, but I'm not sure it's anything to worry about". Right about the time I was beginning to feel relieved and started to put the whole process behind me the heart doc said "I'd like to order an ultrasound of your heart just to make sure we arent overlooking anything I cant see".
Now under normal circumstances I would be grateful for the detail in checking everything out but right now it is very overwhelming. Overwhelming on several fronts:
1) They're talkin about my heart---scary stuff!
2) I have a wedding to plan here! No time to spend worrying over heart conditions. I need to worry over what flowers I'm going to carry and who is playing during the service---not what's going on with my heart.
3) Taking time out for heart appointments cuts into my wedding planning, sleeping, and social life.
4) My insurance runs out at the end of the month, in exactly 4 days. This creates problems in scheduling appointments in time so that I can still be covered and not have to pay a fortune.
5) Speaking of paying, since I am no longer working now is not exactly the best time to be paying hundreds of dollars to go to the doctor and also leaves the question of what expenses might come with the results of these tests (as in long term care if problem is found).

Hopefully I will get some results from the ultrasound very soon (praying for good news), waiting is not easy!!

I am very grateful for the prayers and encouragement my family and friends have offered me and I am trying my best to trust in God. Trusting God during the bad times as well as the good...not always easy.

planning and seeking

While my last post was only a few weeks ago it feels like it has been forever. I have been quite busy with all things bridal. We have had two showers, engagement pictures, and multiple appointments around various aspects of wedding. There have been days where I have felt very overwhelmed and other days where things seem to be falling right into place. More than anything I am trying my best to enjoy this process. I want to look back on this time as a busy but good time, not another stressful point (Lord knows this last year has held enough of those).
On another note I am still waiting for the Lord to show me what it is I am to spend my time doing during these next phase of my life. I have had a few leads come up but nothing seems to be fitting just right or has worked out so far. I am praying that over the next few days I will receive some clarity from the Lord on which door it is He wants me to walk through. I know what my desires are but I also know that I do not want to miss what the Lord has for me.
Only 24 more days until the wedding!!!

Prayers needed

Friends,
My family needs your prayers right now. I dont want to go into details just yet but please be in prayer for us as it seems that life could really be changing. Just to ease minds--this is not health related.
Love yall!

broken

Tonight while I should be working on a number of things (nevermind it is after 12 already and I have to "teach" school tomorrow, possibly without an assistant, I feel the need to post.
For days now I have looked at my blog and felt like I should update so that people can read and discover that I have accomplished many things off of the ol to do list found in the last post. But I never could seem to find the energy. This past month (well year to be more precise) has been simply exhausting. Never in my rather young life have I felt so drained day after day. While I could go on and on tonight I simply come to you broken.
I am broken over what has happened in my life this year. As I started to pack up my professional life yesterday, I opened the first cabinet and sat staring. Then I began to cry. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed with all that I had to do and the little amount of time in which to do it. I was also frustrated with the ending or perhaps delaying of a dream I have carried in my heart for nearly my entire life. Even as I sit here typing all of this out the tears roll down my face. I am broken friends. I do not know where God is driving this crazy train I am on and sometimes I even wonder if I want to continue the ride.
This week is turning out to be so much harder than I ever imagined it to be--and it's only Monday.
Please pray for me over the coming weeks and months. I am trusting that the Lord will show me His will and point me in the direction I am to go. I am also trusting that He will restore peace and joy in my life.

Greater Things have yet to come...

Tonight I sit at my computer blown away by how blessed I am. A few days ago I stood in my kitchen opening my Easter basket and I pulled out a slip of paper saying that I had tickets to go see Natalie Grant on Tuesday night. My first reaction was how cool, quickly followed by "now that complicates my plans for the week". Little did I know how much I would need this evening of worship and personal affirmation.

It seemed like tonight's entire message (from all 4 singers) was meant for me. It was by no accident that I was attending that particular concert. Nearly everything that was said/sung spoke directly to my circumstances. I was blown away by the number of times I found myself being spoken to by God; reminders of His promises, both old and new. It was wonderful to be reminded yet once again that God is not finished with me yet. I am so thankful that He holds my future and not myself. Most of what I heard tonight was not new, but it is different when you hear it from the one who loves you and created you.

I cannot even begin to tell you how tangibly I feel the peace, joy and hope of Christ at this moment. Since Thursday when I received my answer as to my job status for next year, I quickly felt the peace that passes all understanding come over me. I do not know where I am going from here or what the future holds. I do know who holds my future and that He has greater things in store for me. Praise God!

Lots of fun with friends and cows!

Natalie Grant!

Carrying a heavy load

For many reasons I have kept one of the biggest sources of stress off of my blog over the last couple of months. I am now getting closer towards the answer that will either determine the end of this stress or send me into a whole world of unknowns. Today as I write I am asking for prayers.
Please pray for:
*Those making this decision
*My stress levels--may they not be too high nor may the impact on the rest of my body continue
*That God will prepare me for whatever the future holds and make me ok with the decision made.
**That God will grant me the desire of my heart--concerning this situation. He knows what it is I am asking for.

I will admit friends, I am scared. I am struggling with letting go and letting God. While I know I have no control over the situation I still struggle with what the outcome might be. This next week is going to be a stressful one for sure.

On top of my own struggles and stress this coming Sunday a parent at my school is taking her daughter who has battled with cancer for just over a year off of life support. This mother lost her parents, grandparents, and baby sister to a horrible tragedy almost 10 years ago; then lost her house in the floods several years ago and is now having to let her first born go be with the Lord. Please pray for this family as they let this little one go from this earth. Also, please pray for our school community as we process this loss as well.

officially concerned

I dont want to go into much on here but I did want to let those of you know who love me and pray for me that I am officially concerned right now. Based on some news I received on Friday I am going to be changing some of the things I do and working my little tail off. And most importantly praying without ceasing, and asking those that love me to do the same. I do not know what the outcome of this will be and truth be told it is scary. I am doing my best to trust that God has my best interest at heart and knows the outcome, but it is not easy.
Please join me in praying for the following:
*Favor
*Direction
*Calm nerves/positive attitude
*Return of joy/self esteem

I do not know when the end of this trial will be or what the final outcome. I will pass along any additional information as I am able. I thank you in advance for your prayers.

continuing to learn life's lessons...

Much of my life lately has involved teaching. Now that may sound a bit dumb since my job is teaching first graders. But I am learning that often I am being the one taught and not always the one teaching. Through many different circumstances Christ is showing me that I am not in control (hard to believe I know...). The lesson continues with one of conviction and humbleness, two less than easy pills to swallow.
While I dont want to go into things on the web. I am grateful for the prayers of those that I love and also for the fact that Christ is in control of my life. I am learning to daily, moment by moment, lay everything before Him.
I am blessed. So very blessed to be loved by an Almighty Savior and some amazing family and friends.
Keep praying friends, this journey is not over.
And please let me know if there is any way I can pray for you.
Love and blessings!